Healing Journey – Why I Talked to My Body and Accept the Not So Loving Self

imkage

If anybody out there is going through some tough time, be true, be centered, find that aspect of yourself that is strong, graceful, accepting and a fighter! I don’t mean fight your way through but love your way through! It is crazy but it works!

I am very grateful for the journey that I am going through. It doesn’t feel like it at times but the journey expands. Healing is multifaceted. It is a journey and a destination at the same time.

In my quest to take charge of my life, I am coming across aspects of me that are loving (yet forget that these are my good qualities) and learning to love those that are not as loving. Interestingly, as I type this, I am making peace with these aspects and harmonizing within.

After prayers and journal writing, I found myself centered and connected to the body consciousness that felt very tired. I had to apologize and pep-talk my body to be at its vital and best. It may be odd to talk to the body this way for some people but in the process of recovering my health, I heard its plea – I have depleted my energy level to death and will have to continue to take in “high vibrational & sustainable energy” – I have polluted my body and I take responsibility for it by first apologizing and loving my body. Part of healing – the dirt comes out and I have to clean it. The body is a tool that does the leg work of the soul and it is a challenge.

After my apologies, I started walking around in nature and I felt that my body was taking in energy from its surrounding. What a wonderful way to connect to nature – to be gifted with energy. As I type this, my thought wants to go to “how will I find work and manage these sensitivities at the same time?” At the same time, I am happy to type this – my thought is also saying “I will find a way. I will find employment that is conducive. I will manage my energy levels.  I will find a way to be centered in my inner being and helping society move in light. I will not worry. I will be ok.”

It is 8 am  on a Saturday. I woke up at 6 to start all the personalized “Akashic Records counselling”, meditate, pray, prostrate, exercise. Now, the rest of the day will be devoted to volunteering.  The ego wants to question my efforts because it thinks highly of employment and judges unemployment and taking care of my own health. To that, I say, whatever and thank you for the info.  I may be unemployed and am stretching my boundaries for security. However, I am not useless nor am I worthless. I am making the most of this “downtime” to re-focus, heal from within, learn to move into the center of my being in a more empowered way. I am tempted to go into the future and compare my success to others. I am not proceeding with ego. I am choosing another way  – to accept what is, accept myself and my own process, to forgive and accept my vulnerabilities, to accept that the journey continues and I am in a journey of rediscovering the wholeness of my being.

My birthday is coming up soon. The past few years, I have devoted annual vacation time to celebrate this wonderful occasion. I am at peace that for the first time in years and I am not going anywhere. Funds are low and devoted highly on “limited necessities”. (Btw, I found a $6 hairband to give to a niece having a bday so I am still staying generous to my child sponsor!) I will stay at home! I will celebrate with the family of friends who have gathered around me the past year. I will celebrate by honoring the journey and my success to date!

I am moving ahead despite the fear. I am refocusing and re-aligning. I take responsibility for past failures. I am standing up for myself. I am moving my thoughts and vibration to a new self – one that honors the present, one that accepts and thrives on uncertainty, one that honors the wealth within, one that honors the healer within.  Happy healing to me! Thank God for the gift of love and light! Harmonize even if the ego resist! Resistance is part of the healing process of uncovering the dirt so I can clean up!!!!

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