Since 5:30 am, I’ve been to heaven, hell and back! I had to get out of the condo and walk! I was crying because I felt again “lost” and do not know how to proceed but to be “in the now” – even if it means being lost, or the illusion of lost. It did not help that I got affected by Robin William’s suicide as I felt there are so many people in this world – regardless of status and fortune – who must feel pain and suffering despite all the resources.
A combination of meditation techniques, courtesy of Bodhi Meditation, has helped me re-gain a new sense of awareness and energy. I noticed certain chants, meditation movements, walking meditation has been opening my 3rd eye visions and messages.
Yesterday’s message was from Quan Yin, “Be prepared, a change in your consciousness.” This morning, a message making me aware of the limiting beliefs that I have within – the self-critic and the pride.
At this time, I noticed that this “lost” feeling is ridiculous! How many times am I going to tell myself – I know what I want – I want to help people in my own way. My way at this moment is to find peace within and accept the now. Funds are low – as I am still unemployed but I am grateful. I am grateful that while walking outside a park at 6 am, I managed to shift – from “empty bad” to “empty good”. I noticed that despite my history, the universe is still supporting me somehow. While chanting and during meditation, I managed to gain insight that I have to make peace with this world, this earth, this body of mine, this phase of my life. As I chanted, kneeling down, I just prayed for the world so people can have peace in heart and mind and I felt a surge of peaceful energy flow into my body. Wow!
Now, how do I want to help people and earn money? I have let go of a lot this year and what is there to do next? I noticed that I am good at shifting myself from feeling “shit” or “empty” to feeling “joyful and grateful”. How does one charge money? Money is just energy. So now, I open to the universe to attract to me people who I will be helping and are will to pay for my services. I cannot say at this time the “technique of how I will help” but I must say, the universal energy of love shall give me the answers. Now, the question remains, what are the next steps for me? Do I just wait? Do I force things? I just want to shake off this “cocoon” I’m in yet I have to allow for divine timing. Somebody said to me a few months ago, when I am ready, the people who are “lost” will find me and I will help them. A part of me is ready. A part of me is “hold”. … I pause as I do not like the latter answer. Now what?
I end this session so I can go into deeper conversation with “Self” privately, potentially the rest of the day, or maybe not even have answer except – enjoy the rest of the day and enjoy the now. May I find the courage and strength within – I accept what is. I make peace with what is. I accept my choices and consequences. I make peace.