After aligning myself to my new truth (see blog “none of my business), I found myself proud as I have finally sensed the conquering of my ego.
However, the ego has a madness to it. After a few minutes, I found myself bored and the ego once again found a small opportunity to insert itself. It took an experience from a few days ago and it kicked in another opportunity to hash out some drama. I do not remember now what it conjured up. However, one thing for sure – the madness has a method: unreasonable, persistent and unpredictable.
I wonder what triggers this madness? Does one fully conquer the ego? Better yet, how can I be “ahead of its game”? How can I recognize it the first 5 seconds so I can shut it out? What is its appearance (drama, worry, wishful thinking, past/future thinking)? When does it insert itself (when I am bored or when I am relaxed?) How do I witness it before it creeps through – not after?
How the heck do I deal with madness? I know I can laugh at it after the fact. How do I deal with it when it’s at the door or when it gets in the door? Shut it out? Make peace wit it? Let it pass? Wage a war? Kill it? Re-establish my authority? Oh heck, I have no answer.
Some say to surrender. Then if love is the answer to all. I just have to choose to love my creation – regardless of what it looks like now – and perhaps maybe the love will drown the noise of the madness…. we’ll just have to see…..